Surfing on the Sea of Contrast: An Answer To The Secret - By: Jeanine Austin,Ph.D.

It is difficult when we find ourselves dealing with a situation that we would never want consciously to create. These days, when many believe that we create our total reality, we may feel guilty if our life seems to contain aspects in it which are untoward. Whether we have stubbed our toe or are facing a terminal cancer diagnosis, we may wonder why these unpleasant elements have manifested in our lives. Did we create this? Are we vibrationally unfit?

With the popularity of the movie “The Secret”, which is about the Law of Attraction (L.o.A.), we may be tempted to blame ourselves or others when certain things have manifested in one’s life. While the Law of Attraction does have its place in the scheme of our life, it is just one of many life laws. We may unconsciously use blame as a way to distance ourselves from others who are suffering. Some may even think or actually say to sufferers, “Well, you manifested that”. Ester and Jerry Hicks (Abraham) who first formally began discussing the Law of Attraction would never wish that the Law of Attraction concept be utilized to rationalize callousness or unkindness. While we want to be aware of the power we have in attracting into our lives the elements that we wish for, ultimately attracting what we want and becoming more actualized beings through contrast is also a powerful force. Most of us will relate to the seemingly paradoxical force of creating and becoming through contrast. Some metaphysicians believe that we may have asked before our birth that we be in challenging contrasting roles so that we may have opportunities to work through karma and/or to “get off the karmic wheel” altogether through the force of challenge. This idea is similar to that of a body builder who pushes her muscles against the contrasting force of weight encouraging her muscles to grow bigger and stronger. Most of us know that when we work through difficulties, we have the opportunity to become more compassionate, stronger, smarter and more actualized beings...

Most of us would never consciously say, “Let me choose this particular difficult situation to work through.” If we could learn more through joy, wouldn’t that be great? But, let’s face it, most of us learn the most through challenge. When we deal with difficulties, we often become better people than we ever thought we would or could. We also model for others how they might survive, creating a coping model for all those who watch us and come after us. We need not feel guilty about suffering. We will all know suffering. We can choose to become bitter and angry when we suffer (which is also okay as long as we don’t get stuck in it) or we can choose to become soft-hearted, loving, compassionate and smarter. Yes, smarter! My friends and I often call our challenges “reference points.” We can have a good laugh about our challenges and say when something unpleasant happens (albeit tongue in cheek), “Yeah! More reference points!”

Many of the most powerful, influential change agents throughout history had difficult or challenging lives. Having the contrast to what they would have wished for or would have liked to have created given the conscious opportunity, seemed to make them the leaders and role models they became. Would Harriet Tubman, a severely beaten slave, been motivated to free others, had she been a spoiled child? Maybe. But, my intuition tells me this is doubtful. However, the means do not justify the end. Child abuse, for example, isn’t justifiable because someone like Oprah, takes that experience and uses it for contrast to become more than she might have. But, people who overcome their contrasts do seem to become especially incredible stellar human beings. Again, purposefully visiting pain on others is NEVER justifiable.

I’ve recently noticed that most of the people in my personal life that I am closest to have had a child that died. At first I thought this was an interesting coincidence. Now, I realize that I am drawn to these people because they have overcome one of the greatest pains possible, and have become deeper, kinder, more sensitive and often deeply spiritual people. (I love you guys~you know who you are~thank you for being my friends and heroes!).

Many people will never overcome the contrasts to joy in their life. This is why we don’t want to invite contrast into our lives or anyone else’s life. However, I would invite anyone who has had contrasts to joy and happiness in their life to consciously catapult themselves into more enlightened and loving human beings. It is as if the circumstances of life are the rubber band pulled backwards as far as possible and you are the stone also pulled backwards for a period of time. However, when the rubber band is released you are catapulted to heights that you would not have been able to go had you not been forced backwards in contrast for that period of time.

Try not to feel guilty about your contrasts because of the tenor of our times. Remember to be gentle with yourself. If a child has a wound, wouldn’t your first response be to take care of it and love it? How might you use your contrasts to make the world a better place? My goal in life is to assuage the suffering of all sentient beings (I’m shooting big!). How might you use your suffering for the positive? Like a surfer riding waves who uses the contrasts in the tides to move forward, how might you put the force of contrasts to use in your life?

About the Author

Jeanine Austin, Ph.D., is a therapist with offices in Tempe who uses a client-centered, solution-oriented, & holistic model in helping others. Jeanine can be reached through her Good Therapy profile and here too Therapist Pleasant Hill

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