Pakistani Marriage - By: Muhammad Saleem

As Pakistan is a Muslim state so religion is dominant in every part of lives of Pakistanis whether it is a matter of trade, relationships, marriages or food. As far as marriage is concerned it is considered not a relationship between two persons but a social bond between two families. And when groom's family approves the girl as a bride then a series of ceremonies starts as engagement ceremony, ubtan, mehndi, wedding day, wallima and lastly muklava day (after valima). All these ceremonies are considered a part and parcel of the whole wedding process.

First we take up engagement ceremony to be discussed. Groom's family along with its close relatives arrive at bride's house where they are welcomed warmly. Girl gets ready on parlour now a days as parlours are mostly visited by youth of Pakistanis. Then boy offers gold or diamond ring in front of all the guests. Then gifts are exchanged between each others on this occasion. Girl's dress and other accessories are from boy's side. Then both the parties fix a suitable date for marriage.

Before marriage, the ubtan day comes, on this day the young girls wear yellow colour dresses, and the bride's dress is also in yellow colour. According to the occasion boys also wear yellow colour mufflers around their neck to be a part of ceremony. Both the parties join on the occasion wearing beautiful dresses. Young girls sing wedding songs and present ludi, on the other hand the boys present bhangra which is performed on the music of dhol. The bride is being sat on the chair and the married ladies of both sides come one by one to apply ubtan on her and offer her sweet. They also give veil of bride. It is a specific amount of money which they give to poor after presenting to couple on their heads. In this way both the bride and groom are saved from ill, evils and bad eyes which can harm them or their blissful life. After this ceremony both the bride and groom are confined to their specific rooms for one or two week. They use ubtan on their whole body to make themselves more beautiful.

Then comes mehndi; on this day the girls wear special green and yellow dresses for this occasion which is prepared from the leaves of a tree lenna. When it is used in hands and feet beautifully it leaves dark red colour on skin. This day is celebrated similar as the day of ubtan. Mehndi is used in the place of ubtan by the bride. Severely made of flowers i-e rose and jasmine is used by the bride on this day. Ear-rings, mala, gajrey teeka are included in this flower jewelry.

At last the most awaited day comes in the lives of blessed couple. Bride wears red colour suit (embroider) or lehnga on this day while groom wears shalwar qameez or sherwani with kullah. Bride gets ready on a parlour. Then the custom of "nikah is held". Bride and groom accept each other as wife and husband for their future life. Then dates (a dry fruit) are given as a sweet to the guests. Then guests are offered wedding meal which consists of chicken, beef or rice etc. Pakistani marriages which are held in the upper society manage number of dishes to show their wealth and pride. In lower class there are managed one or two dishes only. Then some customs are held according to the culture including the milk drinking, mirror showing and shoe is stolen also with some jokes and photography is done. All the people come turn by turn to the bride and groom to see them, awarding the 'salami'and giving them prayers for their happy life. Then this new couple is gone to the groom's home. This departure is held under the light of Holy Quran. The last function of the wallima is held on the next day at groom's house where all the guests come for a feast. Both the ceremonies of the 'nikah' and 'wallima' are sunnah of our Holy Prophet (SAW). That's why even the poor also manage these two ceremonies but according to their financial status. After the wallima the last custom named "muklawa" is held. It is an invitation from the bride's family to the groom's family to come along with this new happy couple. After this ceremony the process of the marriage is completed.

There are found some differences in celebrating the marriage according to the customs of culture in different provinces but overall it is alike whole the country. In some families there is a rule of marriage in which the boys and girls are bartered with each other called the (watta satta). These marriages are almost less successful. In some families there is a rule that they don't marry their daughters without family. In some cases young girls are married with old men, this is not good. While according to the Islam it is essential that both the girl and boy should be agree for marriage with each other. And we are the Muslims, so we are bounded according to our religion to obey this order.

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