Nuture Your Child's Emotional Wholeness in School - By: Connie Allen

Because your child spends many of his waking hours in school and in school-related activities, time spent in school plays a big part in his life and significantly impacts his development as a person. He probably spends more time at school than he does with you. Because of this, it is important you use the time you have with him to the maximum benefit and focus your attention on nurturing his emotional wholeness.

A child's participation in school is often as stressful for parents as it is for children. Parents feel pressured to meet the school's expectations to follow through on their child's homework and behavior at home. They feel pressured to make sure their child's homework is done well to the best of her ability or to make sure her behavior conforms to the school's standards of appropriate conduct.

This added pressure on you and your child affects both your child's and your emotional well-being throughout the day. It also dramatically impacts your relationship with him. The increased tension carries over into other areas of your life together. Your precious time together may not be as much fun or loving as you'd both like it to be.

You may be like other parents who frequently feel frustrated with their child's academic motivation and achievement. You try to help her get her work done, even if it means you do the work yourself. Or you may simply stand over her every night after school, making sure her work is done and up to the standards of which you feel she is capable. All of this often results in parents and children raising their voices at one another in frustration.

These painful interactions and stress are not good for you or for your child. Your child needs to feel loved and connected to you, no matter what he does in school. Your loving connection with your child is also very important to you. Harsh words spoken in anger can ruin your day. Only to come home and begin the whole cycle again.

Here are five tips on how to make the best of the time you have together. All of these help your child succeed in school.

* Make your emotional connection with your child your highest priority. Nothing matters more, not grades, not a messy notebook, not homework. Your effectiveness as a parent and your child's sense of well-being in life depends on this. Your child needs to trust you and feel loved and appreciated by you.

* Pay attention to how your child is doing emotionally. Usually we pay attention to how our child is doing academically and socially. However, your child's emotional wholeness is the foundation for both his academic and social success. Is he happy and enjoying his time in school? Does he love to go to school? Be sure to explore what's working and what's not working during those hours he is not with you.

* Listen to what your child tells you with an open heart and an open mind. Her experience of school or of a particular situation is her experience. Even though you may perceive the situation differently, try to see the situation through her eyes.

* Be willing to think outside the box. Not all children learn in the same way. Math may not be your child's interest or strength, but this does not mean he cannot create a meaningful, satisfying life for himself, both now or in the future. If you have concerns, don't assume the problem is your child. Children learn in many different ways.

* Take action to improve challenging situations at school, even ones that seem to be inconsequential or temporary. When you or your child is struggling emotionally, it is never inconsequential and seldom temporary. Get help from someone outside the school who can observe your child and the situation from all perspectives.

Make your relationship with your child the best it can be, no matter what happens in school. You may believe that your child's academic success and behavior in school is your highest priority. What I've seen is that it's her emotional wholeness and the quality of the emotional connection she has with you that makes all the difference. Use your power and influence to make a positive differnce in your child's life.

About the Author

Connie Allen, M.A. of Joy with Children. Connie helps parents and educators who are unsure how to best empower their child. . For information on how you can nurture the joyous inner spirit of children, subscribe to her free e-newsletter "Joy with Children". Visit her blog.

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