Not Facing Marriage Issues Doesn't Help Solve Problems - By: Carol Ann

While some couples thrive on confrontation, others do their best to avoid it. When fighting occurs in a marriage, there may be a temptation to avoid confrontation by staying clear of your spouse. And although, this may seem to bring peace to the situation it is usually not helpful to anyone to avoid the issues that occur. This can allow them to fester and even multiply.

Fighting, of course, is not really ideal either. Usually fighting is very heated and also does not accomplish much, and while it may be okay to take some time and space to sort things out before coming to the table about them, this is difference from the complete avoidance method that some couples use. It is healthy, even necessary at times for married couples to take a few steps back to help diffuse the situation, but the key to using this as an effective marriage counseling solution is to come back and try to resolve the issue.

Continuing to avoid each other and using avoidance techniques as a solution without ever talking about the issues will cause resentments to build up over time. Then these become so big that the resolution only appears to be divorce, no one in a marriage should let this type of resentment get so big.

A lot of times when someone is trying to avoid disagreeable times with their spouse are doing so because they don't want to hurt their feelings. But even though this may seem okay for a while, think about telling them about an affair or desiring a divorce without them even knowing you had all these bad feeling inside about your shortcomings, or them not meeting your needs, that would be even more hurtful for them.

Even though it may seem very hard to make your feelings known, it's important that you do share them with your spouse. They might not even know there is an issue, so it's only fair to let them in on it before sending them away. Most relationships will improve if everyone has an opportunity to talk about their feelings, but either way the other person should have the opportunity to hear the issue.

About the Author

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