My Spouse Won't Go to Counseling - Can I Save My Marriage Without Counseling? - By: RP Smith

This is a very common situation in troubled marriages today. Often one spouse recognizes issues in the marriage and feels these issues could be resolved through counseling while the other spouse refuses. If you find yourself in this situation you may be asking “can I save my marriage without counseling?” The answer is yes. Here is how.

First off, let me say that I don’t always view traditional marriage counseling as a very effective solution anyway. It has been proven to have a very low success rate (about 20%) because it actually uses a faulty model as a starting point. So what I am saying is, do not be concerned about whether your spouse is interested in counseling or not.

Here is the most common mistake that people make in relationships; They push their spouses away by clinging to them. Does this sound like a contradiction? It sure did to me when I first heard about it! This phenomenon can manifest itself in all sorts of ways when we react emotionally to an unhappy marriage. Usually we try to overcompensate for whatever we feel we aren’t getting out of the relationship. Let’s say my wife isn’t affectionate enough for me. So I overcompensate by smothering her with affection. She pulls away. I am hurt. And the pattern repeats. Make sense?

You need to get control of your emotions and be prepared to tackle this situation calmly and with a firm belief that your marriage is worth saving. Avoid crying, begging or pleading, angry arguments, guilt trips or threats. This will only succeed in pushing your spouse further away. Not helpful!

Put yourself in full commitment mode. Whatever the reasons are for your spouse’s reluctance are not as important now. You are fully committed, you are calm, rational and in control. And you can do these things even without your spouse’s full participation!

So how do you do that? What do you do next?

About the Author

Are you willing to take the action necessary to save your marriage and stop the divorce? You can check out the approach that is transforming marriages for countless couples by going to save my marriage without counseling. I wish you and your spouse all the best on your journey together!

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