Murphy's Law and Me - By: sheldon archer

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." You can say that again! My life has been plagued by Murphy's Law. Have you noticed that, if you happen to damage some toes for example, you can guarantee that you will keep hitting the same ones against the furniture, never the undamaged ones?

I remember in my single days in the UK, I had this little sports car which had a very temperamental starter motor. One day I was stopped at a traffic light and another car drew up to me. The window opened and this beautiful girl stuck out her head. "Hello Sheldon," she said. "My sister doesn't live at home anymore so why don't you come and visit me?" The light changed and she sped off. I tried to follow her but managed to stall the engine and, guess what? Yes, the starter decided it didn't want to work. To this day I still wonder who that girl was!

I used to do a little acting in my youth, mainly Shakespeare. In one scene I was handed a lantern with the words "Hold ye the lanyard." Everything had gone fine during the rehearsals. On the opening night, just as the lamp was handed to me, the handle fell off, it dropped to the floor and fell into three or four pieces. There was a deathly silence as I bent down and gathered the pieces together. I felt that I had to say something so volunteered "Dost think twill work?" I could see the prompter thumbing though the script unable to locate that line. My co-actor, trying hard to suppress a laugh managed to come up with "Perchance," as I exited with the remains of the lamp.

Later in life, I remember my wife going away for a couple of weeks to stay with relatives. "Wow" I thought. "While the cat's away, this mouse can play." I did the the rounds of the discotheques and the pubs...Nothing! On the way back home from the airport after picking up the wife, I saw this gorgeous girl trying to get a ride! Couldn't have happened while I was alone could it? Not according to Murphy's Law.

I used to play the lottery. At that time, three correct numbers would get you a little money and four would get you quite a lot. I always played the same numbers, a mixture of birthdays. Did I ever get four numbers correct? Only once: the day that I was so busy that I forgot to hand in the lottery card.

I was a pilot for many years. One day I was flying my little plane from Jamaica to the US. The weather had been great for the whole trip. Approaching Fort Lauderdale, the skies suddenly darkened and I ran into zero visibility. This didn't bother me too much as I was licensed to fly on instruments only. Two minutes into the murk, the artificial horizon which is the primary instrument used for this kind of situation decided to die, leaving me not sure which was up and which was down! If it had happened before I ran into foul weather, I could have worked around it but that's not how Murphy's Law works.

I used to purchase stuff on Ebay. One day there was an item that I really wanted and I had been following the bidding for several days. I decided to bid only ten seconds before the end to prevent anyone from outbidding me. There I was, poised with my finger on the mouse button, watching the second hand on my watch. I clicked the mouse...nothing! The damn cat had chosen that exact time to pull the mouse cable out of the computer.

I am now living in Indonesia. I have an income in the UK which my cousin transfers to me every couple of months. This takes about five days to arrive at my bank here. You can guarantee that, during this period, the value of pound sterling will take a nosedive. It never fails.

Here they believe that Allah controls the rain but I know that it is actually Murphy who does that. All I have to do is to spend two, sweaty hours watering the large garden that we have. Doesn't make any difference if there is not a cloud in the sky while I am doing this, heavy rain is sure to fall within a couple of hours.

The inter-city buses here are always late in departing. That is unless I happen to get held up and arrive fifteen seconds after the departure time, in which case the bus has left exactly on time!

When does the power fail here? While I am just at the end of writing a 10,000 word report and five seconds before I decide to save it.

Those are just a few of the many times that Murphy's Law has selected me as a victim. I could go on and on but I'm sure that you get the general idea.

Investigators have attempted to discount Murphy's Law. They have run experiments and have concluded that when dropped, the buttered side of a piece of toast only lands buttered side down on an expensive carpet fifty percent of the time, thus it is solely due to chance. They will never convince me!

About the Author

I am from Sheffield in the UK and have lived in several other countries including France, Canada, USA, Bahamas, Jamaica and Colombia. I am now living in Indonesia which I personally believe is the best of the bunch. I am married to a much younger girl and we are so happy together that we started a webpage to introduce Western men to Indonesian women our webpage Yahoo Messenger ID is exbrit69

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