Making Small Changes Can Pay Dividends To Save Your Unhappy Marriage - By: Tony Darbyshire

An unhappy marriage is something that most couples want to resolve sensibly and without acrimony. So, start by answering this question: do you take your fair share of responsibility in your marriage (or partnership), and do you always do your best to avoid arguments? The honest answer, for many of us, is probably no. If you answered yes, you are probably deluding yourself! An unhappy marriage, or partnership, is often the outcome of such delusion.

But, if we can stop playing the 'blame' game, and do something about controlling the arguments we get ourselves into, it can result in positive change. When it comes to making improvements in your personal relationship you know there are no 'magic-bullets that can come up with 'magical answers'; it takes an open mind - and some action - to help bring back the happiness to your relationship.

There are two things that should help you focus your mind on making the improvements you seek and get you moving in the right direction. These are:

1 - Taking responsibility for your own actions, and, 2 - How to deal with arguments, and how to use them as an opportunity for positive change. Start the process by being frank and honest about your own attitudes to both of these issues and you will find some practical ways that should help you get your relationship running smoothly again.

Let's start with that old chestnut, 'responsibility'. Too often we transfer all of the blame for our unhappiness onto our partner. What may be going wrong in the relationship may be their fault. Turning this thought around is another option. Consider that you could be part of the problem too. If things are not totally rosy for you, it's as much your 'problem' as it is theirs, so take some responsibility and acknowledge this fact.

By taking responsibility you will already be moving forward, and not backward or sideways! Don't put all the onus of responsibility onto your partner. Be positive, and try to be fair. Whatever you do, don't shirk your responsibilities and take time to think your situation through properly. Take some time to analyze what it is you are doing (or not doing!that might be creating the problem. If you can be honest with yourself, you may put your finger on the issues that matter, and then you can do something about them.

Think of it this way. How many times, when something goes wrong, do you say: "Well, that's not my problem, it's the responsibility of...". Of course you may be right and it really isn't your fault that things are the way they are currently. Ask yourself this question; "If I carry on blaming him/her and making him/her take all the responsibility?" does that move me in the direction of 'solving' the problem?"

The answer is almost certainly... probably not! So, don't push all the 'responsibility' onto your spouse or partner. Show him, or her, that you are willing to take your share of the blame for things not being as you want them to be.

The best selling author on all things to do with relationships is Steven Covey. In his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, says that responsibility is simply the " ability to choose our response.Remember, we do not have to respond to stimuli and triggers the same way we have always done in the past. We do have a choice. It may involve us practicing a real commitment on our part to letting go of 'old patterns of behavior'. So, try something new. Relationships are often much better served if the end result is not to be an argument.

Now, rather than cover the second major issue that causes serious problems in most relationships - the dreaded argument - I will cover this in my next article. Many people don't realize that there are some highly effective 'tools' for stopping arguments getting out of hand, so you don't end up getting even more uptight and angry.

For the time being, please give some serious thought to working on taking your share of the responsibility in your relationship, so you don't have to endure an unhappy marriage for much longer! The ball is now in your court... so be positive and try not to be stubborn! Until next time take Steven Covey's advice and choose your responses carefully when communicating with your spouse, or partner. With a small amount of practice, to change those old habits, that probably aren't doing either of you any good! Until next time... bye for now!

About the Author

Sometimes we need help to get an http://www.relationship-secrets.com">unhappy marriage back on track so you're both happier and enjoying your relationship again. If you'd like to find out more great ways of improving your relationship this site has some great ideas: http://www.relationship-secrets.com

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Tony-Darbyshire/53596

Additional Articles From - Home | Society | Marriage