How To Get What You Need - By: Linda Greven

Are You OK with Being Needy?

This is not a trick question. Rather, it's an invitation to really think about your own ability to accept yourself as you are.

This notion first appeared on my radar after a very tearful conversation with a young lady whom I dearly love. She's hurting big-time right now, and does not know how to ask for help. Instead of being solicitous and humble, she becomes aggressive and hostile. As you might imagine, that doesn't really get her the help she needs.

I talked with her about this recently and gently tried to get her to open her eyes to the possibility of recognizing and accepting her neediness.

She was very reluctant, at first; but gradually, she began to be honest with herself. And as the tears streamed down her beautiful cheeks, I knew she had gotten it.

We talked some more, and then she really opened up.

Like many women, she wants to see herself as the strong one -- the one others can turn to. She's quite good at 'giving', but not so good at 'receiving'.

Why is this so hard for so many of us?

Admitting that we need help is the first step to getting what we want and need in life.

Followers of The Secret and The Law of Attraction all claim that the messages you send to the Universe are indeed heard and responded to.

So if you are sending the message "I don't need help," then you won't get any help. And if you are sending the message that you are strong and can do it all yourself, guess what? That's what you'll end up doing.

And doing it all by yourself is NOT fun!

So how can we make this easier?

I have a few tips to share.

First, realize that having needs is not a BAD thing! You're human, and we all have needs. It's not only OK to have needs, its normal. Getting OK with that is just the first step.

Second, realize also that, even people who love you, cannot read your mind. Do NOT expect them to just know what you need -- practise verbalizing your needs.

I once had a stormy relationship with a guy who continually asked me "Why don't you ever do ... such and so?" or "Why do you always do ... such and so?" After replaying that conversation in my head a couple hundred times, I finally blurted out "Because I don't think like you do, and I need you to be OK with that!"

You can imagine what a difference that made in our subsequent conversations! (LOL)

Third, start with the small things -- I need you to pick up your towel after you shower. Practise it in front of a mirror, saying it with a smile and an honest expectation that the listener will hear you and respond to your needs. Then gradually ask for the bigger things -- I need a half-hour of quiet when I come home at night.

My granddaughter who lives with me often wants to talk really late at night. She's a night owl, and I'm not. And though I do want to be in conversation with her as much as I can, my brain is too tired to really be genuinely listening to her. Once she understood this, she stopped thinking that I don't care, and started to choose better times for us to talk.

Finally, recognize that your family may be surprised to learn that you have needs. They may balk a little at first, because you've taught them to take you for granted. That's no one's fault. It just is.

But persist, however gently and time-consuming that must be. Don't back down and resign yourself to a life of NOT having your needs met. You are worthy and you deserve more.

About the Author

Linda helps women get the things they need -- the time, the energy and the FUN. Her clients regularly write to share how they are sleeping better, feeling more healthy, enjoying life. Click for a free sample session with Linda. http://www.fun-wey.com/sample.html

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