Going the Distance For A Good Marriage - By: Carol Ann

Don't expect perfection. You won't be perfect, your spouse won't be perfect, and your marriage won't be perfect. Perfection is an illusion and doesn't truly exist. Be willing to work. Marriage and marriage problems require hard work and dedication. There will be ups and downs, and moments at which you may consider marriage counseling or even separating but don't give up. Most problems will be resolved if you are willing to work together on them.

Reflection on the positive. It's easy to forget what is good about your spouse when the two of you are struggling through a rough time. But it's important to focus on those good qualities, even write them down so you can read it everyday. If you focus on the positives your brain will move in that direction. Maintain communication. During a bad time in your marriage it's tempting to shut down but that is the worst thing to do. You need to maintain the communication, allowing yourself to be exposed, voicing feelings can help find the solution in the mess.

Listen with a Loving Ear. Listening when someone is saying something negative about you or something that you don't want to hear, we all tend either tune out or get defensive. Try to listen to what your spouse is telling you as if they were talking about someone else. This can help you be a little more objective. Also, don't be afraid to ask questions and look for a deeper meaning. Many times we don't say everything that is implied with each statement we say.

Stay faithful. Even through the tough times, be sure not to stray from your spouse. Stay focused and faithful and if you feel that a relationship, friendship, or particular situation is feeling tempting to you step away from it. Nothing will be resolved by having an affair; it will just make matters worse in the long run. Don't bad mouth your spouse. In an attempt to seek counsel, you may confide in a friend or family member. Be careful when doing this however, that you don't talk negatively about your spouse. Doing so can cause a rift between others and your spouse, and when you do finally resolve issues with your spouse, you may just find that family and friends are still holding grudges. If you need a third party to talk to about things, consider an online chat, with same sex members to get some advice without creating problems for the future.

Learning New Things. If you're in the midst of a problem try to research information online or at the library about relationships, communication and marriage. Information is vital to understanding yourself which may make your marriage better.

About the Author

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