Forgiveness - Do It For Yourself - By: Ruth Bridgewood

It is very difficult to feel happy and at peace with ourselves when our minds are filled with anger and resentment towards someone whom we feel has deliberately caused us pain. Research shows that resentment and unexpressed anger are very real contributors to disease and illness. Forgiveness releases these feelings so you are not consumed by negative emotions. Wayne Dyer gives an interesting analogy regarding snake bites - it is not the snake bite, but the venom that circulates in through your body that kills or makes you very ill.

It is important to realize that forgiveness is something you do for yourself, to rid your system of this "venom" that can make you ill, through the anxiety, stress or bitterness that you are carrying around. It does not mean that you condone the behavior or you are pretending that what happened was okay. According to Stephanie Dowrick in her (highly recommended) book, "Choosing Happiness" (2005) "Forgiveness is the most demanding of all the qualities; in our world, it is also the most essential. We live in a world where cycles of revenge or just plain bitterness and resentment rule in countless encounters … Forgiveness breaks those cycles and lets you say ' I hate what you have done - but I want to move forward, if only for my own sake'. It is irrelevant whether the person 'deserves' to be forgiven. You are forgiving to release yourself as much as the other person. And you are forgiving because you can." She goes on to point out that forgiveness should not lead to forced reunions - there may be some people you are better never to see, hear from or even think about.

It is quite possible that the person against whom you are feeling the anger or "unforgiveness" is moving along in their own life without even realizing or caring about the angst they have caused you (or which you perceive they have caused). Meanwhile, you are being consumed by these negative emotions which are preventing you from enjoying your present moment and possibly contributing to illness and disease. You may feel that they should be asking for your forgiveness, without realizing that from their perspective, there may not be anything to forgive. Try to see the situation from their perspective - their life experiences, values and standards most likely differ from yours and they may not feel they have done anything wrong, or they have simply been a bit thoughtless and not realized the effect their actions or words have had on you.

On the other hand, they may be very much feeling that they have behaved wrongly and feeling extremely guilty. If possible, tell them how you feel in a non-blaming and non-judgmental way and give them the opportunity to apologise and clear the air. If you are no longer in contact or they have passed on, or you simply prefer not to talk to them about the situation, there are a number of techniques which and be used to release the negativity from your system.

One technique which is useful is writing down the wrongs that you regard to have been perpetrated against you, how they have made you feel and the effects on your life. This could take the form of a letter to the person in question. Then burn the paper or letter and watch it burn, releasing it to the ether. Make the decision to move on and refuse to let the situation continue have a negative effect on you. Alternatively, consult a coach, counsellor or trusted friend to release and "vent your spleen", but then let it go. Continuing to hold on to it will do you a lot more harm than the person who caused it in the first place.

Again from Stephanie Dowrick:
"We move through life hurting others as well as being hurt. We move through life hurting ourselves as well as being hurt by others. And forgiveness is needed…
Recognise that when forgiveness is absent, so is self-respect and perhaps self-love"

This article is an edited extract from Ruth Bridgewood's free 50-page ebook "Choose Happiness" which can be downloaded from the website below.

About the Author

For more articles by Ruth Bridgewood and free gifts, visit http://www.inspirit-persgrowth.com or http://www.inspiritebooks.com

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Ruth-Bridgewood/53896

Additional Articles From - Home | Self improvement | Happiness