Fireplace Doors – seriously? - By: Henry Funk

It seems to be a trait of human beings to create something simple and then add to it until all simplicity is lost, replaced by pointlessness and superficiality. Fashion is a prime example of this; practicality has no say in what rocks the fashion scene and, ironically, nor does what actually looks good. It seems more to do with what is new and interesting; which would be fair enough if “new and interesting” hadn’t been done so many times that it’s now neither new nor interesting.

When applied to fireplaces, you’d probably think there aren’t a great many things you can realistically add to gap in the wall – but you’d be wrong. There are people out there who making a living by selling fireplace doors. That’s right, doors. Obviously these aren’t standard timber entryway doors that catch on fire after twenty seconds, but glass doors that are supposed to keep the fire “contained” within the fireplace – because so many of us suffer from the old “fire spilling out of the fireplace and engulfing entire house” problem. They are also supposed to help reduce the amount of heat that fills the room, which would be useful if warming the room wasn’t the exact primary function of a fireplace in the first place. In my humble opinion, if the fireplace is giving off too much heat for you, you should probably consider making a smaller fire next time, not sitting quite so close or maybe just getting a gas fire instead. I don’t mean to be scathing, but what kind of idiot solves the problem of “too much heat from a fire” by creating specially-made “heat reducing” glass doors to put in the way?

Actually, having given the matter some thought, I take that back; I do mean to be scathing, it’s utterly ridiculous. It doesn’t end there either; the final reason the fireplace door-makers give for investing in their product is that of maintaining a look of cleanliness. “Just consider...” one vendor postulates, “...a friend pops round unexpectedly and you haven’t had time to clean the fireplace! Imagine the embarrassment!” In my case this is a redundant example; I have no friends and nobody is ever unexpected (my three housemates are a Zulu shaman, a Gipsy fortune teller and the Dark Lord Sauron). However, even hypothetically I still don’t see his point; to avoid the supposed embarrassment of having an immorally filthy fireplace, I’m supposed to cover it with special doors? Made of glass? Has nobody introduced these people to the concept of windows?!

So, despite the fact that fireplaces have been safely warming rooms for thousands of years, without causing any deaths-by-embarrassment; there are people out there who would still have you believe that you need to cover yours with special doors. I’m just surprised they haven’t listed “Combats terrorism” as one of the features. I should be fair though; I have a friend who’d probably love this product – she’s an easily embarrassed clean-freak, with a malfunctioning thermoregulatory system, who lives in constant fear of her house burning down. What a shame she solves all these problems by having an electric fire instead.

About the Author

Ed Scarlet believes fireplace doors to be close to the peak of absurdity. For more information about genuinely useful products for open fireplaces, electric fires or gas fires, he recommends you visit http://www.directfiresonline.co.uk/

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Henry-Funk/62487

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