Do I Need Pre Marriage Counseling? - By: MIKE SELVON

Skill-building and education will equip you and your mate with the right tools to succeed in your relationship. Following decades of extensive interpersonal behavioral research, licensed professional counselors are extremely knowledgeable regarding what makes people tick, how people respond to crisis and how couples can foster greater communication and satisfaction in their marriages. Before you tie the knot, you may be required to attend or may choose to attend pre marriage counseling or seminars to learn everything you can about the challenges (and rewards!) that lie ahead.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It's sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that "Hey things may not work out as planned!" As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion.

If you're young and have never married, then go! If one partner is "commitment-o-phobic," then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go!

If you feel you'd like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it's important that they're addressed early and professionally.

Generally when you go for pre marriage counseling, you'll develop a rapport with the family marriage counselor and you'll be given the Pre Marital Inventory (PMI) test. This quiz will examine areas such as interests and activities, role expectations, personal adjustment, interpersonal communication, religious philosophy, marriage expectations, family issues, finances, children and parenting, and sexuality. The purpose of this test is not to tell you whether to get married or not, but rather to identify strengths and weaknesses, arming you with the tools you'll need to make it through your marriage successfully.

Often, we come into a new marriage with many false conceptions, which is one of the reasons why pre marriage counseling is so important. One of the most common marriage myths is that love and luck are the keys to a lasting marriage, when in reality commitment and companionship are far more significant.

Also, couples feel if they live together and give it a "test drive," they'll be more likely to get married, which is false. Having children will not always bring a couple closer together or patch up existing problems, either. In fact, parenthood comes with a whole new set of issues.

It is also untrue that married people have less than thrilling sex lives and that married people are guaranteed to be happier than marriages from 20-30 years ago. Balancing expectations is just one area of Christian marriage counseling.

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