Divorce: Reasons To Stay Together A Little Longer - By: Lucille Uttermohlen

If there is no abuse, you and your spouse may do yourselves a big favor if you can put up with each other for a little longer. It is natural to want to start your new life as soon as you can. After all, the memories of your old one seem unpleasant to you now, and the thought of being away from them would be a big relief. However, your financial obligations will be harder to meet if you have two households to support.

It won't matter to the court whose name actually appears on a bill. The credit cards, household expenses and medical debts are generally considered to be family expenses. If one of the couple is financially inferior to the other, chances are good that the judge will not let the richer spouse waltz into the sunset without contributing to the poorer person's survival. Accepting this fact and planning for it in advance can make your long term situation easier to implement. The following are a few suggestions that may make a temporary truce possible:

Don't accelerate your problems. You already know you're getting divorced, and hashing the same stuff over is useless. Limit your discussions with your ex to payment of ongoing bills and other decisions like that. If you aren't going to stay together, fault finding and knit picking aren't going to make it any easier to communicate. At this point, you are dissolving a partnership. Keep your conversations strictly on business.

Continue to do the housekeeping tasks and chores you have always done. You may not feel like giving your ex the time of day, but refusing to do her dishes or do his laundry is childish, will lead to conflict, and won't make a difficult situation any easier.

Don't have sex with your soon-to-be ex. It sends the wrong message. The temptation may seem overwhelming, especially if you are lonely, but if your intention is to leave, it is unfair to send the message that you could be persuaded otherwise.

Keep your significant other out of the mix. You may be in love, and hopefully able to plan a partnership that will be wonderful for the rest of your life. However, for the next month or so, you are trying to end your marriage as painlessly as possible. Even if the old relationship is ending, you should still treat it with respect. If you feel an irresistible urge to communicate with the new love, do it on your own time. Don't call him / her on your home phone in front of the spouse and kids. You don't have to add to your ex's anger, disappointment or humiliation by rubbing his / her nose in your new life.

Finally, if you have kids, don't talk to them about your marital difficulties. Even if the divorce isn't from their own parent, there is no reason to involve them in your troubles. All talking to them will do is make them feel like they have to participate in your pain. They already have enough to deal with because of your divorce without expecting them to cope with your stress as well.

Copyright (c) 2010 Lucille Uttermohlen

About the Author

Lucille has practiced family and divorce law for 27 years. Her web site, http://www.couple-or-not.com features articles and free downloads on family law subjects. She also answers reader questions about their legal and relationship issues at lucille@couple-or-not.com

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