Dating For The Shy And Nervous - By: Lucille Uttermohlen

If you're shy, meeting another human, male or female, is daunting. You feel like you should be saying something, but what? How do you get a conversation started with someone who knows the bricks in the wall better than he knows you? What if he doesn't like you? What if he's married or already has a girlfriend? You can "what if" yourself right out of the desire to meet the guy, and wonder if you've missed someone you could learn to love. These tips should help you get over the initial hump.

There are many places available for people to meet each other. There are things we do every day that put us together with our fellow humans. The grocery store, laundromat, libraries and churches all present opportunities to meet new friends and lovers. Local civic groups are always anxious to have new members. Volunteer activities, such as working in a soup kitchen or at the animal shelter are bound to yield new acquaintences with similar interests. Let yourself relax and take your time until you are comfortable in the setting, and move slowly. Remember, you are looking for something lasting, not just someone to be with you so you won't be alone.

Catch his eye and smile. That's all for lesson one. If he smiled back, so much the better. However, you are trying to become familiar at this point, and nothing more. You just want him to recognize you the next time you see him. You are truying to become less of a stranger to him.

Are you afraid you'll never see him again? There's no guarantee that you will. However, it is more probable that he lives or works close to where you saw him / her, and you will have plenty of chances to meet again. If he's just visiting relatives, you don't want to waste a lot of thought on the situation. His only value to you now is in your imagination, so you haven't lost anything. In short, don't dedicate your energy to thinking just of him. Be open to others, men and women. let yourself enjoy the rest of the scenery. After all, the next guy who catches your eye may even be better. If you make a point to make new female friends, you will also have a greater pool of male candidates to get to know.

If you've seen him / her around a couple of times, he / she has seen you, too. Introduce yourself. "Hi, my name is Gwyneth, maybe you've seen my movie?" or more like, "Hi, my name is Sue. I see you here a lot, and I was curious about who you are." If he doesn't reply, he's a loser you're better off avoiding, or he is just as shy as you are. Look at his face. Does his facial expression say, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, and you dare talk to me?", or "Me? You're talking to little old me? I'm flattered. I wish I knew what to say." Most of the time, his response will be something even harder to work with like, "Jeff" or "Sam", and nothing else. Say "nice to meet you, and move on. There's bound to be another chance. He knows who you are, and every time you meet, you will seem less and less like a stranger.

The next time you see him, say "Hi, Sam, (or whatever), and ask a conversation starting question. "I like your mohawk, did you get it from around here?" " "I'm thinking of trying the garlic broiled lizard tails, have you ever had them?" This should lead to a conversation, if not a case of indigestion, and could get you better acquainted.

You may have to chance meeting a few times before having the confidence to go further. However, if you see each other a lot, and have had plenty of "getting acquainted" kinds of conversations, you ought to be able to go to the next step, which is "would you like to have a cup of coffee? My treat. I hate to drink alone." Have a place in mind that isn't too far from where you are. It is best if this venue is within walking distance. In the same building or store would be nice.

It is important for you to be able to leave quickly if there is a good reason. Don't offer a ride or accept one at this point. Sam, Bob or Pete is still an unknown quantity, and unless you've had a lot of good reports from mutual friends or your family members, you don't have any guarantee that Tedd Bundy isn't hiding behind Bob's pleasant exterior. Make sure someone knows where you are going unless you can go to a coffee shop in the store or close by. Never go anywhere with someone new, male or female, where there are not plenty of people around. A fully charged, easily accessable cell phone isn't a bad idea, either.

Finally, if things don't work out with Elvis, there are other fish in the market. Ha, and you thought I was going to say "ocean". There are a lot of people in the world, and until you've met all of them, you can't say no one else would be able to meet your dream criteria. Just start over. Catch someone's eye and smile.

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

About the Author

Lucille has been an attorney for 27 years. Her practice is mainly in family law, and the issues couples face every day. For advice and information, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com If you have questions about dating, unmarried partnerships, Marriage or Divrce, write to me at lucille@utter-law.com or lucille@couple-or-not.com

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