Communication: Listen With Your Heart, Not Your Mouth - By: Lucille Uttermohlen

We all want to be heard. The problem is that few of us want to hear the other person. Listening is a skill that is well worth learning. No matter who you're talking with, you will gain a lot more ground if you interact instead of react. Here are a few tips that are bound to improve communication between you and your spouse, boss or kids:

1. Let the other guy finish his sentence. Like your Mamma told you, interrupting is rude. A friend of my father's used to watch the other person's lips. The second they stopped moving, he would start talking, whether he knew what had been said or not. If you are inclined to interrupt, close your eyes when someone else is talking. When you aren't looking, your ears will tell you when it is your turn to speak.

2. Think before you respond. What did the other person say? Did they sound stressed? Did they sound happy? Did they make sense? Are you sure what they meant, or are you puzzled?

3. Ask questions. I don't mean "what the heck did you mean by that?" I am suggesting questions like, "Are you saying you get upset when I ...?" Listen to their response before you continue. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you be annoyed or upset if they did whatever it was to you? Even if you don't feel you did it, the fact that they thought you did is enough to ask yourself if that was how your action or words might have seemed.

4. Concentrate on what the other person means. Some people aren't as articulate as others. They express themselves awkwardly, and may sound annoyed or angry when they are just frustrated because they can't find the words they want. If you listen patiently, they will be better able to form their thoughts then if you interrupt and make it clear that you are in too big of a hurry to try to understand their meaning.

5. Stay calm. If you get mad too, you're not solving any problems. The other person is angry and carrying on like their tail is caught in a trap. Why stick your own tail in. If you stay calm, maybe the other person will settle down too. If he / she doesn't, politely suggest that you discuss it at another time. Don't say "when you calm down", just ask "can we talk about this later?" Remember, you are trying to keep the conversation from becoming a confrontation. You are trying to solve the problem, not just prove that you are right.

About the Author

Lucille Uttermohlen has been a family law attorney for 27 years. Her areas of practice include divorce, paternity, guardianship, adoption, probate and criminal law. For free information about divorce, and a free ebook, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com/

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Lucille-Uttermohlen/51774

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