Christmas with Mom and Dad - By: Len Stauffenger

When you're divorced, "who gets the kids for the holidays" is always a challenge. In the beginning, it's very upsetting to both the divorced parents as well as the children. The holidays have only so much time available, and it's tough to accommodate everyone involved.

You might be surprised at not only how your ex views this situation, but grandparents and aunts and uncles too. Everyone will have an opinion, which they think is very logical, as to why the kids should be with their side of the family. Luckily, I have had a lot of experience with this and have learned some useful information over the years.

The first attempt at resolving this situation should be some type of schedule. If you have an amicable enough relationship with your ex, you should be able to sit down and come to an agreement on who your children will be with and when they will be there. This is especially important if you have small children, since it is essential for them to have some kind of routine or structure. A sample of a holiday calendar can look like this:

Thanksgiving...... Dad all day ( Mom sees kids on Friday)

Christmas Eve..... Dad all day

Christmas Day..... Mom all day

New Years Eve..... Dad all day

New Years Day......Mom all day

Easter...........Dad all day or split the day if you live close to each other

Mother's Day.... Mom

Father's Day......Dad

Labor Day........Mom

Memorial Day...Dad

You also will have to remember that there is no possible way to make every holiday completely fair. If you do the schedule method, then the following year, every holiday switches. This worked pretty well for my kids and me for a long time. If you don't have a good relationship with your ex or your children will be having limited contact with them, then expect an adjustment period for your children to understand why they are only with one parent during the holidays.

This may not work forever though. When your kids become older, they might truly prefer one parent over the other for the holidays. If their request is reasonable and makes sense to you, allow them their own decisions. It is very hard for them to always be shuffled around, and they may get to a point when they don't want to do it anymore. If the only reason you object to them wanting to go somewhere for a certain holiday because your feelings are hurt, you may want to reconsider. It's not about your bad feelings and what you want. Make it about them.

As an adult, you get to live with the choices you make. Even if the divorce was a right and good idea, you will still have to make decisions about what's right for your children, and it may involve sacrifice. They will be adults themselves one day soon and will ultimately have to live with their choices also. You can share custody over the holidays with both parents without making the children uncomfortable with your decisions. When they are children, allow them to be children.

About the Author

In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbook at http://www.wisdomfordivorcedparents.com

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Len-Stauffenger/27317

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