Can You Really "Work" on a Relationship? - By: Chandra Alexander

In my practice, many couples come to me - their relationship is not good and they want it to be better. And as many of you may or may not know, I do not see couples together - except for the first time and then to bring them back together intermittently for check-ins. And that's because there's really no such thing as working on a relationship - the only thing you can ever really work on is yourself.

A relationship is nothing more than the dynamic that exists between two people - if both people are healthy, the relationship is healthy, and if both people are dysfunctional, the relationship is dysfunctional.

I am less concerned about preserving the actual relationship at hand - my focus is always on the relationship you have with your Self. I tell couples when they come to me - I have no agenda as to whether you will be together or apart - the only thing I care about is that you feel good about yourself - because unless you like yourself, unless you have self-respect and self-esteem, you cannot have good relationships, plain and simple.

The key - with relationships - liking someone else and yourself at the same time.

Friends - What's it all About?

I've had one friend for forty years, several for thirty years and a few for 20 years. I gave up acquaintances a long time ago. It's not really that I gave them up, it's just that I don't plan to get together with them anytime soon. If I'm out and about and I run into them, I enjoy the interaction, but that's about it.

I guess that's because connecting is what it's all about for me. I enjoy hanging out with people who really like themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin. This means I get to be totally myself. I delight in my friends' quirkiness and I guess they delight in mine.

Healthy people enjoy the differences and connect beneath the surface. The connection creates a safe place to grow and flourish and make mistakes. It is a place where you can be silly, loose your self-consciousness, take down the boundaries that separate you from another. Good connections make you feel loving and that love is good for the world.

About the Author

If you like what you've just read, you're invited right now to join the thousands who receive Chandra's FREE daily email "Cutting Through to THE REAL TRUTH" and preview Chandra’s ebooks, books and CDs. Chandra Alexander, MSW, was chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver coaching sessions to the winner of their Toyota Moving Forward contest and coaches clients worldwide.

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