Be Willing to Walk Away - By: Phil Gilliam

As a life coach it's incredibly rewarding to see a guy who has made a ton of progress on his self image, has grown confident in himself, understands that what he brings to the table is valuable to the women he approaches, seems to be clear that his ability to have a conversation and enjoy the company of a lovely lady creates attraction, and is confident enough in himself to know that everything he says in conversation is absolutely perfect and that if he thinks his jokes are funny then they are funny regardless of whether or not she laughs. This rewarding feeling evaporates quickly when you see him start talking to a woman that would have made him completely tongue-tied in the past...only to see him walk into a trap that takes all of his hard work and training and flushes it right down the toilet!

What was his mistake?

The mistake is that he began to get too wrapped up in making the sale. This is a very common mistake. His plan starts to fall apart because he stops enjoying himself and the conversation and is no longer guiding the interaction in the direction in which he wants it to go. Instead he has committed all of his resources to this one potential outcome and the dynamics of the encounter have done a complete role reversal. He is no longer helping her to perceive The Better Deal that he is bringing to the table; he is no longer making her “work” for the prize he is capable of delivering because he is so far committed that he cannot walk away. He is completely caught in her spell and now she is calling the shots and he is just like all the other Nancy Boys in the world hoping that she will throw him some scraps (which he will no doubt just gobble up at any pace that she dictates). In other words, he’s dead in the water and with no hope of rescue…….ever. As Jessica, one of the coaches at AverageGuy.com, would say, "That woman is playing with him like a cat playfully bats around a half dead mouse." We all know how this ends for the mouse, don’t we?

When the night is over he will undoubtedly crawl back to his house and wonder what just happened to him. He will say such things like “I did everything right and then……..” or one of my favorites, “I have no clue how that went bad, she was into me and then……wham! Nothing but a nice to meet you, a buddy’s pat on the arm and she goes home with another guy.”

The fact of the matter is he made the critical mistake that is the curse of most sales people (yes, you are selling…….you are selling her on the fact that the deal she currently has is not as good as the deal you are offering); the closing of the deal outweighed the value he brings in his own mind. He began to believe that closing this particular deal is better for him than it is for her.

As soon as he lost the ability to walk away from the deal he lost all ability to close it. Now he is in the position of trying to convince her that she is getting a better deal with him instead of letting her discover that fact.

Don't make the mistake of over committing like most guys do. It reeks of desperation and low self-value and will kill you every time. She will either walk away herself, or worse, stick you in the friend zone. Personally, I would rather she beat me with a stick than have her drop me there. You must develop your self-esteem and understand that you have a lot to offer so the woman in front of you has to earn your attention and if she doesn't you will walk away and on to the next one. Once you have those basics under your belt you will develop the skill to have the women you are interested in recognize that she is going to have to put a little effort into the interaction.

About the Author

Phil Gilliam is the founder and president of AverageGuy, Inc., the author of Bringing the Better Deal and a men's life coach who has helped hundreds of men turn their lives around. Visit AverageGuy.com to learn how to build the confidence required to always know you can walk away. When you join you'll get 6 hours of audio training to kick start your transformation into the confident, dynamic man you know you can be.

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