Are you ready for the holidays? - By: Jane Falter

"So, Mom, what are we doing for the holidays this year?" Thanksgiving and Christmas was the last thing I was thinking about when one of my daughters asked this question in August. But I knew we had to make a decision fairly soon so that everyone knew who was coming for which holiday and what state we would meet. I didn't like it, but it's been this way since I divorced many years ago (guilt) and especially when I moved south (more guilt).

Like most kids, I dreamed of fairy tale holidays—decorating the perfectly shaped (real) pine tree, giving Santa your list, getting all the gifts you asked for and of course, having family gatherings with lots of good food, laughter and singing Christmas carols around the tree.

Well, some of that happened--I enjoyed putting the ornaments on the tree and being an only child, I always got lots of stuff. My memories of the family gatherings didn't always fare so well. Many times there was too much drinking, a lot of smoking and usually someone went home angry. Every year I hoped it would be different and vowed what would change when I became a mom.

I soon realized creating "perfect" wasn't easy. A few years after my divorce and after significant whining from my daughters, I decided I would put up a real tree. How was I to know there were different types of tree stands, let alone what you had to do to make sure the tree fit in it properly? My tree fell 3 times that year including once while my friends and I ate dinner. If my girls asked for a real tree after that, I told them (with love), "Ask your father."

My girls are grown women now and yet my holiday fantasy persists after all these years. Perhaps like me, every holiday you try to cure the elusive "this holiday will be different syndrome." See if you can relate to any of the challenges I've had and some things to remember this holiday season.

The Joneses. Last year when I facilitated a workshop on the holidays, everyone shared that we all imagined "the person across the street" having that picture-perfect Norman Rockwell holiday--while theirs fell definitely short. I'll go out on a limb here, but I imagine those folks were thinking the same about you.

Water, water everywhere. The holidays bring additional challenges to people like me who struggle with their weight. With so many parties, everywhere you go you see...well everything...and you swear you gain weight simply by looking at them. I have narrowed down my list to a few special goodies I reserve only for this time of year. I allow myself to sample some other goodies I simply can't resist and take a reasonable portion. [Warning: I have always gained some weight during the holidays using this method.]

Change—the new tradition. With today's blended and extended families, jet setting lifestyles and diverse preferences—my family can't be the only one with a different holiday plan each year. Deciding how to celebrate the holidays each year—IS the new annual tradition.

Beer pocketbook. I get a lot of joy in selecting just the right gift for others. I look back longingly when I could buy whatever I thought someone would enjoy. I also had fun buying impulse items or silly stocking "stuffers" and because the stockings always over-flowed, we created a "uni-sock." This was one of those gigantic stockings where I put the small gifts that didn't fit in their individual stocking. When I woefully start counting the number of boxes under the tree, I try to recall exactly what I gave last year. I know that my friends and family could probably not recall what they received either. It truly isn't about the gift, is it?

Friends—your chosen family. I came from a small family and many of them disappeared from my life once my parents' generation died. Without realizing it over the years, I have hand-picked my family which continues to grow as I add new "relatives" all the time. My theory: The number of friends at your holiday table exponentially increase your chances for a quieter, more joyful meal and/or day.

Make-overs. I love those TV segments where an ordinary person gets an extreme make-over. When I was a kid, I was often asked if I missed having a brother or sister; I grew up thinking I was somehow deprived. Now I see the other side when siblings and/or other family members spend a lot of time focused on what the other person could do to make a much needed change (for their own good.). Remember, you can't change anyone--accept them as they are. Don't give them the power to ruin your holiday. Be grateful you (hopefully) don't see them that often.

Glad and sad tidings. Among the beautifully wrapped packages, baking your special holiday goodies and watching kids eagerly awaiting the big day, this time of year is always a reminder of people who are no longer sitting at our tables. My dear friends who were killed in a car accident in September—will be sorely missed by their friends and family.

Re-read the list of items above, and remember this last one. Everything else is small stuff after all.

About the Author

Certified life coach, Jane Falter, author of the popular 7 Keys for your Great Corporate Escape, helps disenchanted employees reinvent themselves and discover what's next. To claim your free copy and sign up for her newsletter, visit her web and blog site http://www.janefalter.com . Jane Falter delivers her comprehensive coaching programs to individuals over the phone and to groups and at live events.

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