5 Reasons Why Infidelity Is Spouse Abuse - By: Penny Anne Weurtzel

Abusive marriages don't always involve physical mistreatment. Indeed, any definition of abuse would certainly include the emotional pain, disruption and damage caused by infidelity. No one gets married anticipating physical or emotional abuse or infidelity in marriage. Of all the harm spouses can do to one another, unfaithfulness is among the most severe.

Many forms of emotional and psychological abuse are well recognized. These include verbal cruelty, vicious ridicule, public humiliation, lying and manipulation to gain advantage and deliberately preying upon fears and insecurities.

Some of these may occur from time to time in a marriage as heated disagreements and other conflicts occur. This is regrettable and should be avoided. After all, the partners profess to love one another, as evidenced by their marriage vows. But when these things occur routinely or constantly and have as their primary purpose causing harm or hurt, the relationship would certainly qualify as abusive.

So what makes cheating and extra-marital affair abusive?

First, there are certain minimum expectations that come with your wedding vows. This ancient institution establishes a newlywed couple as a separate and inviolate legal and economic entity. This reflects the emotional and physical bonds between husband and wife. The couple is viewed as a single entity.

So, infidelity is a breach of trust and the contract entered into at the time you married. When agreements between friends are betrayed by one friend in some fundamental way, the relationship may be lost. If the breach occurs in business dealings or a financial transaction, as when one party cheats another, the aggrieved party may be entitled to damages or remedy. So a marriage partner who's been cheated on has had his or her trust abused.

Second, as I've written elsewhere, the discovery of infidelity is often extremely traumatic and can result in severe emotional anguish. An unfaithful spouse who deliberately subjects a partner to such heartache and pain is engaging in abuse. It doesn't matter that the cheating spouse 'never-intended-to-hurt' his or her partner, when the almost certain outcome of discovering an affair is severe emotional distress.

Third, whether the infidelity becomes public or not, discovery of an affair is a profound embarrassment to the wronged spouse. The notion that an outsider has intruded upon the most private and sacred rituals of marriage can leave the wronged spouse feeling exposed and violated.

Fourth, the betrayal of infidelity is not just a broken promise. It is also the virtual abandonment of one spouse by the other and the establishment of an intimate relationship from which the wronged spouse is excluded. This realization is a real kick in the gut, as the wronged spouse realizes his or her partner has led another life, perhaps for some time in the case of a well-established affair. The cheating spouse is revealed to be a stranger in some respects.

Fifth, while life will always have uncertainties, setbacks and surprises, entering into the common enterprise of marriage should settle some things about the future. There are goals, dreams, shared burdens and, in many cases, children. The discovery of infidelity puts the future up for grabs. The marriage and all those things which seemed settled on the wedding day are suddenly in jeopardy. Anxiety and uncertainty about the future are likely to be acute. Will the cheating spouse leave the marriage? Will he or she leave for the new lover? Can the marriage be repaired and saved? If not, how will the injured spouse cope with all the upheaval and change which will now be required?

Cumulatively, these five forms of abuse can require years or a lifetime to recover. Suspicion, doubts, fears and uncertainties may haunt the marriage if the partners attempt to salvage it. Even if the union is terminated, the impacts could damage or impair future relationships.

About the Author

Penny Anne Weurtzel is a survivor of infidelity in her marriage. She shares what she's learned about infidelity in marriage at her website.

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Penny-Anne-Weurtzel/190043

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