5 Essential Tips on How to Handle Jealousy - By: Marian

In the right time and place, jealousy could a little spice to one’s marriage. But there are also times when jealousy can lead to serious marriage troubles. Jealousy is a natural state and occasionally inevitable. What’s important, however, is that married couples work hard on not allowing jealousy to cloud their judgment and become an unnecessary threat to their relationship.

Is there a valid reason to be jealous?

You need to be completely honest with yourself here. Examine your partner’s past words and actions. Has your partner done something that is certifiably suspicious? There are so many things that could make you feel jealous when you have no reason to be. A little bit of jealousy here and there is cute but when it becomes a constant and intense state then your partner could grow weary of being doubted all the time.

Marriages aren’t just built on love. They have to be founded on trust as well. Trust and faith in your spouse is vital if you want your marriage to survive. With true love, you can be certain about your partner’s fidelity even if you are not with him or her 24/7.

Is there something in your past that makes you excessively, constantly, or incurably jealous?

Certain experiences in life can leave a lasting effect on one’s mind and heart. You may think that you’ve recovered from such experiences only to find out when it’s too late that they’re still influencing the way you act and feel.

If you are a product of a broken marriage, it’s possible that somewhere inside your heart, you believe that your marriage will end up the same. You’ve seen how your father has constantly hurt your mother and you believe it will happen to you as well. It may be unreasonable but fear and pain have the power to make people believe in unreasonable things.

In another scenario, a previous relationship had left you unconsciously distrustful of a man’s ability to remain constant. Or a former lover has hurt you so badly with his constant cheating that you feel you do not deserve to be loved. Thus, you expect your partner to cheat on you sooner or later.

It’s very unfair to make your partner pay for the sins of someone else. Even though it’s unfortunate that your past experiences have been unhappy, they do not give you the license to be constantly jealous and especially when your partner has never given you a reason to doubt his feelings for you.

What happened in the past must stay in the past. If anything, they should only be used as a guide; learn from your mistakes and use them to change your present and build a happier future for yourself. If necessary, consider seeking outside help such as speaking with a therapist. A good therapist could help you make sense of what happened in the past, regain confidence in yourself, and become a better partner to the person you love.

Don’t be afraid to ask.

Let’s say that you have found certain instances to be indicative of adultery or something that is entirely too suspicious for comfort. Even so, don’t let the green-eyed monster rule your actions just yet.

Confront your partner – but please be reminded that there is no rule which states confrontations have to be violent or hurtful. Simply let your partner know what’s troubling you. So many marriages could have been saved from the claws of divorce if only people had learned to trust more and found the courage to communicate openly with their partners instead of letting jealousy color their judgment.

You need to give your partner the benefit of the doubt at the very least. You need to give your partner the chance to explain his or her side of the story. Even though everything seems to point out that your partner is cheating on you, think about all the time you’ve spent together. Think of all the instances that your partner has proven his or her commitment to you. Don’t all those things make him or her deserving of the opportunity to explain his side?

Communicate at all times.

Of course, it’s better not to wait for the last moment to confront your partner about your suspicions. Such a scene could be easily averted if you and your partner work hard at keeping communication lines between you open. Better yet, make an effort to constantly and positively communicate with each other.

Jealousy often occurs when there is little information available. But with proper communication, there is little chance you’ll be caught off guard about your partner’s doings. You may not know your partner’s schedule for every minute of the day, but you’ll be at least familiar with how he works, how he plans his day, and how he makes his decisions. As his partner, you are privy to his innermost thoughts and feelings and these will give you the ammunition you need to combat traitorous feelings of doubt.

Be happy and be attractive.

If your jealousy is a product of poor self-esteem and not your partner’s suspicious activities then obviously you need to work on yourself and not harangue your partner about nonexistent affairs.

To love someone completely, you need to learn to love yourself first. You need to appreciate yourself and see yourself the way your partner and other loved ones see you.

Take the time to make yourself attractive as well. Being married doesn’t mean your days of primping have to end. Splurge a little on a new outfit or haircut and surprise your partner once in a while with a new and pampered you. Show your partner that he or she has every reason to be proud to have you as a partner and there’s no reason for your partner to stray.

When you’re physically fit and attractive, you become more confident in yourself and consequently, you are more open to having positive interactions with other people. It’s virtually impossible to be jealous when you’re too busy feeling beautiful, happy, and contented with your life and marriage!

About the Author

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