4 Easy Steps About How Solving Your Disagreements Can Save Your Marriage - By: kaare moen

How many times have you tried to talk your problems out...only for the discussion to end in a tirade, obscenity-laced screaming match or even a dramatic walk out? Yes, many couples do find it difficult to communicate, especially when communication is so unpleasant. Don't despair...you can save your marriage even if you have had more than a few out-of-control bouts with your partner. Let's consider the solution one step at a time.

Step 1: Try to remain calm.
This can be difficult, especially if the two of you are discussing sensitive subject matter. If you feel yourself starting to become irate then take a break. Do not say anything out of emotion. You may even find it helpful to pray or meditate before you speak. Try to understand where your partner is becoming from. Is he or she saying these things just to hurt you? Could it be a misunderstanding? Is your partner feeling defensive? Don't rush to reaction, especially if your partner confesses something. Be rational...and if you can't communicate calmly then take a break.

Step 2: Wait until the right time to talk things out.
If you are wondering how to save a marriage, then you are right in assuming that you must communicate often. However, try to understand that timing is crucial when working problems out. "Now" is not always the right time to bring up problems. If you can sense that your partner is stressed, why not wait until after a meal or after a quiet evening to bring these issues up? This seemingly minor detail can mean all the difference when figuring out how to save your marriage.

Step 3: Focus less on winning and more on solving issues.
What is the primary energy source of any argument or conflict? The desire to be "right." Both you and your partner are trying to prove a point, when in actuality, the point doesn't matter. Decrease the tension in the room by forgetting about who was right or wrong and focus more attention on what needs to be done. Nobody likes being a "loser" in such a personal argument. Why not try to protect your spouse from such negative feelings? Stop trying to win, but try to heal.

Step 4: Concentrate on the positive.
If you want to know how to save a marriage, then focus on uplifting things. There will be plenty of time for discussing your partner's flaws later on. What matters now are the good things in your marriage. Think about the love you still have for your partner. Think of the good memories you both remember. Think about the things you partner does that still make you feel good. Focus on these positive feelings when you begin opening the lines of communications. When broaching the subject of flaws, try not to criticize your partner. Instead attack the behavior you don't like (explaining how it makes you feel) and work out a compromise along with your partner.

Remember that you are not trying to emotionally beat your partner into submission. Instead, you want to treat this beautiful person in your life as an equal, worthy of respect. You want to solve the disagreement and save your marriage!

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