3 Common Mistakes Couples Make In Marriage Counseling - By: Christine OKelly

Choosing to seek marriage counseling can be an excellent alternative to calling it quits on a relationship and settling for separation or divorce. Often, couples find that counseling provides them with an opportunity to take a deep breath and reevaluate their relationship with the guidance of a neutral, qualified third party. However, it's essential that both parties set aside their negative feelings and truly participate in trying to make their marriage work. If only one of you is willing to invest in the relationship, how do you expect both of you to benefit from marriage counseling?

Many couples repeatedly make the same mistakes that can hinder their ability to heal their relationship. Here are three of the most common things to avoid when seeking marriage counseling:

Refusal to Become Self-Aware

Both of you need to be able to look inside yourselves and truly face your needs, flaws, and desires if you want your marriage to work. Being honest with yourself has never been more important. Did events in your childhood affect your ability to take constructive criticism? Has a past relationship lead you to have trust issues?

A therapist can work with both of you to tackle your individual and joint issues in hopes of helping the relationship. It's important to realize that each partner in a marriage brings their own baggage to the table. Having the attitude that all of your relationship problems are his or her fault instead of looking at your own part in the conflict is definitely not the way to approach marriage counseling. For the sake of your relationship - take a minute, swallow your pride, and admit to your issues and what you truly want from your marriage.

Wanting to Change the Other Person

You can't change another person; it's up to that person to change their thinking, behavior, and eventually their feelings. A common mistake that couples make when attending marriage counseling is thinking that they can change the other person instead of working on their own issues.

If both partners are thinking this way, therapy is bound to fail. Instead of demanding that the other person change, both spouses need to be willing to work with a counselor to learn how to listen to each other, treat each other with patience and respect, and then possibly each making behavioral changes that will benefit the relationship as a whole.

Not Wanting To Do the Work

In this type of program, couples often receive assignments from the therapist to work on at home. This is an integral part of the counseling process -- if you're able to see eye to eye in the counselor's office but start arguing the minute you get home, how is therapy helping? By putting into practice what you learn in therapy, you're already taking the first steps necessary to rebuild your relationship. Don't think that every problem can be solved in the hour a week you might spend with a therapist -- the most profound change you'll see in your relationship will come from you and your partner really working together to implement the skills learned.

Marriage counseling isn't easy; it takes hard work and dedication from both parties for a couple to really have a chance at rebuilding their marriage. If each partner is committed to staying aware of their own issues and desires, not trying to change the other person, and instead working together to genuinely improve the relationship, the marriage has a better chance of success.

About the Author

Christine O'Kelly is a writer for a Chapel Hill NC psychotherapist who specializes in couples therapy and marriage counseling.

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Christine-OKelly/29865

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