21 Jump Street - By: Albert Marrero

So, I just checked out the 21 Jump Street trailer, and yes, it looks funny. It’s definitely gonna be a crowd pleaser, and rumor mill has that it’s going to have a cameo of Johnny Depp. However, I have to ask, “Are remakes the way to go in Hollywood?”

According to the website movie-moron.com, there are a plethora of remakes upcoming for 2011/2012. Some we know of, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy”, “Total Recall” (really? Colin Farrell?), and “The Long Ranger”. Others, I’m just like WTF?!

Eh hum,

Scarface? So I understand a different movie based around the Scarface type mobster. If that’s the case, I’m on board. But how do you do a remake of one of the most iconic and classic films of our time. (And don’t dare disagree with me. Like the movie or hate the movie, Tony Montana is a pop-culture icon, and his popularity can’t be denied.) You can’t replace Al Pacino, who at the time was arguably doing some of the best work of his career. I guess we’ll wait and see what happens with this, but why tinker with something that really is close to “as good as it gets?”

Point Break? Another classic that shouldn’t be remade. Again, I’m cool with an updated, spin, based on type movie, but a remake to involve extreme sports? How can you replace Gary Busey, or Keanu? And don’t even think about replacing Patrick. There isn’t an actor in their right mind that would touch that role. That’s like someone trying to pick up Ledger’s reigns of the Joker… Not gonna happen. Again, like it or not, that movie is a cult classic and rife with one liners. “I’m so hungry I could eat the ass end of a rhino.” Tell me you aren’t laughing already.

And best of all, Judge Dredd. Yes, that is correct. No typo here. So perhaps Karl Urban is a fine actor. Perhaps this will be the Nolanesque remake ala Batman Begins. But to remake what is arguably one of the worst movies of all time is bold…. Like caffeinated soap.

The only remake that I can honestly say I’m looking forward to is Robocop. Now before you click the X in the upper right hand corner (or click the red orb for you Mac users), hear me out. Yes, Robocop is a classic. However, it’s old enough to be remade, and with a phenomenal actor like Michael Fassbender, it’ll be hard to screw this one up. Total Recall, as I mentioned earlier, is a bit different. Yes, same decade, totally different story. Ok, so maybe it isn’t. I’m just a huge Schwarzeneggar fan and I think that this take will be a bit mild. I’m from the old school where action heroes were actually buff dudes, not CGI enhanced, and just had brawn, brute strength, and whooped damn ass. I just don’t see Farrell saying, “Hey Benny!! Screw yoooouuuuuu!!!”

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