2 Essential Tips in Saving a Marriage - By: Lewis G

When your marriage is on the verge of divorce, most of other areas of your life are also strained and it put a lot of pressure and stress on you. How did you end up on the precipice of a divorce when once, the person you married was your “one and only”? One thing for sure is it did not happen in a day. This is not to say that you cannot make a U-turn to save your marriage. And it would take a high level of commitment and letting go on your part to make it work.

Now because of what might occur as repeated negative patterns, people look into their past when arguing about something in the present. What we normally do is bring up some past mistakes to win over an argument that could only be just remotely related to what is happening in the current situation. This would off-course lead to further resentment and grudge carrying. Moreover, this could turn out into a vicious circle, and once this happens a couple is walking on a treacherous path onto the precipice of divorce. To interrupt the pattern and put a stop to this, the couple must focus on the present and find a way to move forward. Forgiveness is the key here. Without that there will just grudge holding and “I am going to use this on you, next time, so I can win the argument”. Because of the intensity of the situation the couple might be in, it may be hard to bring oneself to a place of compassion, where one can forgive. This does not mean we just let the situation run out of control. It takes a conscious effort on your part. And once you have done it, it’s easier the next time around.

Another trap that we could easily fall into is overly expecting. All of us have fall for that one before. Where this starts is actually at the beginning of the marriage itself. A person gets into a marriage expecting to get something such as love, comfort or security, or to complete something in themselves they think they do not have, like glamour, coolness, popularity, etc. These two points of views come from lack or scarcity in the first place and would put your partner in an uncomfortable position of trying to or having to fulfill something they did not commit to or they did not know they had to. A more empowering place to enter a marriage is from the place of being someone to give or contribute something to the marriage. That way you already offset yourself from expecting anything. You are also making it easier for your partner to be in the marriage. Moreover you are setting an example for them, where they can follow if they chose to without any obligation.

If a married couple can just learn forgiveness and letting go of overly expecting, there would be more space in the marriage and forgiveness and love would start to be a natural phenomena. Nothing is ever too late to start, so get up, give up your resentment and start to mend and make you marriage work now!

About the Author

Lewis G is a relationship expert. For more great tips on save marriage visit http://www.secretstosavingmarriage.com

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