10 Surefire Ways to Drive Your Customers Away! - By: Nicki Flouton

10 Surefire Ways to Drive Your Customers Away!
(And Make Sure They Never Consider Your Service Again)
by Nicki Flouton
Copyright © 2009

Terrible customer service is everywhere, even in the world of online business. Unreturned telephone calls, mediocre assistance, confusing automated answering systems—sometimes, you could swear that the support staff strives to make the situation even worse than it is! Even getting in contact with a live person can be like pulling teeth!

In this article, I’ve compiled a list of 10 fail-safe customer repelling techniques that you can check yourself against, to make sure that your online business isn’t like so many others that seem dead set on driving their customers away!

1. When a customer calls, rush them off the phone as soon as possible. Bonus points if you’re huffy and irritable the whole time!

2. After the customer has painstakingly explained a very complicated problem they have experienced with your service, inform them that you are unable to help – and don’t you dare offer to transfer them to someone who can.

3. If a customer calls with a problem that you can help them with, tell them that you’ll investigate it and call them back with a solution…but don’t actually ever call them back.

4. If you run a paid subscription service, and someone calls to cancel, assure them that it will be cancelled within 24 hours. Then, conveniently forget.

5. Do not under any circumstances include contact information on any of your websites. If customers somehow manage to find your company’s number and angrily call, act extremely insulted and argue that your contact information is at the bottom of each page.

In fact, blame their browser for not displaying it. If they use Internet Explorer, tell them to use Mozilla Firefox. If they use Firefox, tell them to use Internet Explorer. If they use any other browser, tell them your servers are down. From there, proceed to repeat any step from #1 - 3.

6. Listen to your company’s voicemail messages. Then delete them.

7. If your company runs a Live Chat service, make sure that each chat operator types in all caps in an illegible font, and uses no form of punctuation at all.

8. Put out an extremely complex and confusing product or service, and don’t offer any web videos, webinars, or tutorials to explain how to use it.

9. Set up an automated phone system to take your calls, but make it annoyingly unclear as to which department the customer is actually calling. When they do get through, tell them they have the wrong department, and that you’ll transfer them. Then hang up.

10. Over-promise, and under-deliver. Boast near impossible results for an outrageous yet “justified” price, and deliver peanuts!

If your online business practices any of the above 10 methods, congratulations! You are a professional at warding off any potential customers, and your customer service has probably been the focus of much negative buzz in the consumer world.

Facetiousness aside, the list above can be used to proof your online business against similar habits, and ensure that your customers sing your praises. After all, good experiences don’t get around the internet half as quickly as terrible experiences do!

About the Author

About The Author: Nicki Flouton is the Customer Service Manager for Multiple Stream Media, an online advertising network helping small businesses gain visitors to their websites, and acquire new clients the inexpensive way. For your free and non-obligatory consultation please visit - http://www.rent-a-list.com

Article Directory Source: http://www.articlerich.com/profile/Nicki-Flouton/46018

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