Importance of Communication Between Parents and their Teens - By: Justin Davis

An open communication between parents and their teenage is crucial. But it should be the kind of communication that is not judgmental or advice-oriented. Instead, it should encourage teens to talk more and, in doing so, reveal the way they see themselves and their place in the world. This approach allows you to gain valuable insight into the identity that is developing within your teenager.

Of course, you must still impose certain limits on your child, and communicate your expectations, but if this is done effectively earlier on, beginning at the age of three, it becomes less critical during adolescence. Still, it is not really possible to avoid all conflict with teens, so dont think your family is abnormal or �dysfunctional� if you find yourself in a position of being the family �cop� at times. That will still leave plenty of chances for the kind of communication that will give you a window onto your teens developing identity.

You probably remember one or both of your parents questioning your actions and decisions if you had a typical adolescence. This happened often, or maybe just occasionally. How did you deal with it? If you didnt mind being questioned, chances are that your parents questioned you responsibly, and that you realize that they were right to do so, even if you didnt want to admit it. However, if you resented the questioning, closed down, or even blew up whenever it came to having a dialogue with your parents, chance are that your parents either asked the wrong questions or asked the right questions in the wrong way.

Teens love to argue in a way that you might come to think of this as an innate part of their development, just as infants gurgle and toddlers invent playmates. Teens like to question adults about their values, and they like to test limits. This does not necessarily mean that they do not respect the adults they question, or that they reject their values. On the contrary, it is probably a sign of healthy parent-teen relationship that this questioning is taking place. The teen simply becomes alienated from the parent in an unhealthy relationship. No arguing, no testing, and no real communication of any kind.

Why do teenagers love to argue? For starters; they get a sense of themselves as independently functioning human beings. By arguing, they show that they are no longer children. Secondly; they use their argumentativeness to work out their own values and identity.

Let your kids know that you are interested to listen, he wanted to be involved.
* Turn off the TV or stop reading the newspaper when your child wants to invite you to speak.
* Avoid lifting the telephone when the child has something important to say.
* Unless there are others who want to join together to chat, keep your conversations with your child private. The best communications will be created if there's only parents and children, no one else involved.
* Embarrassing the child or making her feel awkward in front of crowds will cause irritations and quarrels, not good communication.
* Do not talk with the high notes in your child. Lower your tone to compensate for talk with children reliably.
* If parents are angry with the behavior or an incident that happened to the child, do not start the conversation until your anger subsided, because parents will not be objective until the anger subsides. Better wait a minute, calm yourself, then talk with your child.
* If the parents are very tired, the parents should give more effort to become an active listener. Being an active listener is a hard job and very hard to do when your body and your mind is tired.

About the Author

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